Redhead, nurse, sister, daughter, aunt, newly-ex-wife, sucker for lost animals, currently owned by Percy the cat and Spencer the dog. In the middle of some major changes–trying to figure out what I want so I can figure out how to get there.

I have been trying to figure out how to post the thoughts swirling around my brain the past few weeks.  I have been pondering, re-evaluating, and in a sense prioritizing things in my life.  I do not intend this to be at all preachy, shoulds, or even presume on any level that anyone who reads this ought to do the same.  It just is an indication of where I am and how I am doing.

A couple of things happened in the past week that made me realize that my life over the past few year was in quite a stall out.  I lightly refer to them as “the Houston years,” but it is far deeper than that.  I was depressed much more than I have ever been before.  I do not blame my marriage or my ex-husband.  We loved each other then, and we love each other still.  However for me, being married and living in Houston was not a good thing.  I cannot say which piece contributed the most, and I feel I will likely never know for sure.  However, now that I am able to live more fully than “one day at a time”  (or on some days one painful minute at a time), I feel compelled to live more purposefully.

Work is still incredibly difficult for me, but I think I am making some progress.  Slow, painful progress, but progress all the same.  If this continues, perhaps this will be where I stay for a while.  If it does not, then I will consider other options.  I have less angst about it in general, and I think I am handling things in a more productive way.

I am content at the moment as far as “relationship status” is concerned.  I certainly believe firmly that I am in the category of “trying to figure out what I want so I can figure out how to get there.”  I’m really okay with that.

I continue to adore my house.  I am further behind in the unpacking and organizing category than I wish I were, but that may well change soon.  The parts I have unpacked and made home remain fairly uncluttered, and for me this is a very large accomplishment.

I have become somewhat vigilant (though only with myself) about my impact on the environment.  I recycle nearly everything possible.  The fact that we have no recycle bins at work pains me.  I have begun bringing my cans and bottles home with me instead of tossing them in the trash.  I have purchased a recycle bin for the break room, and install it tomorrow.  Someone asked me, “Who’s going to empty it?” When I answered, “I am,” they were quite surprised.  I have made other small changes, reusable bags for groceries, and not accepting a bag when the purchase is only a few items.  My mindfulness of environmental impact has changed my choices about what I want to happen to my body after I die.  I assure you that some of you will be a little squigged by my choice, but that is for a later post.  I have yet to start composting in the back yard, when I do, I will let you know how it goes.

I have contacted a local organization about doing some volunteer work.  I hope to soon be mentoring a child who has a parent in jail.  Again, I will let you know how it goes.

I heard some fabulous music last night.  Since I do not blog under my real life name, I don’t like to name the artist here.  (Real life people have found previous blogs when googling artists’ names.)  She played a song that never fails to bring tears to my eyes.  She wrote it after a friend’s death, I know many people have played it at their wedding.  I intend to have it played at my memorial service.  Last night, I realized that it is a powerful song that can apply to almost anyone at any moment.  I will leave you with those lyrics.

May I Suggest

May I suggest
May I suggest to you
May I suggest this is the best part of
your life
May I suggest
This time is blessed for you
This time is
blessed and shining almost blinding bright
Just turn your head
And you’ll
begin to see
The thousand reasons that were just beyond your sight
The
reasons why
Why I suggest to you
Why I suggest this is the best part of
your life

There is a world
That’s been addressed to you
Addressed
to you, intended only for your eyes
A secret world
Like a treasure chest
to you
Of private scenes and brilliant dreams that mesmerise
A lover’s
trusting smile
A tiny baby’s hands
The million stars that fill the turning
sky at night
Oh I suggest
Oh I suggest to you
Oh I suggest this is the
best part of your life

There is a hope
That’s been expressed in
you
The hope of seven generations, maybe more
And this is the
faith
That they invest in you
It’s that you’ll do one better than was done
before
Inside you know
Inside you understand
Inside you know what’s
yours to finally set right
And I suggest
And I suggest to you
And I
suggest this is the best part of your life

This is a song
Comes from
the west to you
Comes from the west, comes from the slowly setting
sun
With a request
With a request of you
To see how very short the
endless days will run
And when they’re gone
And when the dark
descends
Oh we’d give anything for one more hour of light

And I
suggest this is the best part of your life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments on: "Th Redhead Has Been Introspective" (3)

  1. sometimes, after we’ve been trudging along, we turn around and find that the progress we’ve been making, while slow and painful, is beautiful and brilliant. You find that you’re a lot further along than you thought, which is both exciting and scary!

  2. I love you!

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